Overwhelmed by Holiday Expectations? Setting Boundaries as an HSP
The holidays are a season of joy and togetherness—or at least that’s what everyone says.
But they can also feel like punishment for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) because of the noise, obligations, and emotional overload.
For years, I tried to cope with the whirlwind of expectations. But I still ended up drained, frazzled, and resentful.
I’ve since learned that setting boundaries is the key to slowing down and enjoying the holidays as an HSP. It’s not easy (trust me, I know), but it’s transformative.
This post discusses why boundaries matter, how to set them, and what to do when people push back.
Why Setting Boundaries Matters for HSPs
As HSPs, we’re wired to feel and process experiences more intensely than most. This superpower helps us notice the little joys others miss—like the twinkle of fairy lights or the emotion behind a heartfelt gift.
But it also makes us vulnerable to overwhelm, especially during the holidays.
From endless parties to relatives who overshare, the season bombards us with stimuli. We absorb it all like emotional sponges, leaving us depleted.
However, by learning to set holiday boundaries, we can create space to care for ourselves, protect our energy, and savour the season.
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How to Set Holiday Boundaries as an HSP (A 7-Step Guide)
Step 1: Get Clear on Your Needs
Before you can communicate boundaries, you need to know what they are. Take some time to reflect on past holiday seasons. What drained you? What brought you joy?
One glaring issue for me was large gatherings.
I love my extended family, but a 30-person dinner party leaves me clinging to the bathroom for a breather. Now I know I prefer small, intimate get-togethers.
Other familiar HSP needs might include:
- Limiting time spent in overstimulating environments (like crowded malls or loud family parties).
- Carving out alone time to recharge.
- Saying no to traditions that feel like obligations rather than joys.
Step 2: Practice Saying “No”
As an HSP, you might struggle with people-pleasing—it’s practically in our DNA. But saying “yes” to everything is a fast track to burnout.
Learning to say “no” is one of the most empowering skills you can develop.
Here’s the trick: you don’t owe anyone a long explanation. A kind but firm response is all it takes. For example:
- “Thank you for inviting me, but I’ve already made other plans.”
- “I’d love to join, but I need some downtime to recharge.”
- “That sounds lovely, but I’m keeping my holidays low-key this year.”
If guilt creeps in, remind yourself that saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Step 3: Communicate Early and Often
One year, I decided to skip a chaotic family dinner and only told my mom the day before. She felt blindsided, and I felt guilty for upsetting her.
I’ve since learned the value of giving people plenty of notice.
For example:
- “I’m so looking forward to seeing everyone! I’ll come for dinner but will head out before dessert so I can get some rest.”
- “This year, I’m keeping things simple and won’t be exchanging gifts. I hope that’s okay!”
Clear, kind communication helps manage expectations and avoids last-minute stress.
Setting boundaries as an HSP during the holidays isn’t about being difficult or antisocial—it’s about honouring your unique needs so you can show up as your best self. Join Julie Bjelland, LMFT in a free masterclass on how to set boundaries as a Highly Sensitive Person.
Step 4: Be Prepared for Pushback
Not everyone will understand your boundaries—especially if you’re breaking long-standing traditions. Some may question, guilt-trip or persuade you to change your mind.
Here’s the thing: their reaction isn’t about you. It’s about their expectations or discomfort. Stand firm and remind yourself why your boundaries matter.
You don’t have to justify it beyond a simple, “This is what works best for me this year.”
If the pushback feels overwhelming, consider enlisting an ally. For instance, if your partner or a sibling understands your needs, they can help deflect questions or explain your decision to others.
Step 5: Create a “Safe Exit Plan”
Despite your best efforts, some situations may still become overstimulating. That’s why it’s helpful to have an exit strategy.
If you’re attending a party, drive yourself so you can leave when you need to. If you’re staying with family, let them know you might need to take breaks to rest.
I often say, “I’m going to step outside for some fresh air,” which is my code for “I need a breather!”
Having a plan gives you peace of mind and allows you to fully enjoy the moments when you’re present.
Step 6: Prioritize Your Own Traditions
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as an HSP is that it’s okay to create my own holiday traditions—ones that feel nourishing instead of draining.
That means spending Christmas morning sipping tea in my pyjamas with soft music playing, followed by a long walk in nature.
It’s a stark contrast to the bustling breakfasts of my childhood, but it brings me a sense of peace and connection to the season.
Think about what traditions bring you joy and make space for them, even if they don’t align with what others expect.
Step 7: Lean on Your HSP Community
Sometimes, the best support comes from people who get it. If you have other HSP friends, connect with them during the holidays.
Share tips, vent about challenges, or even create quiet celebrations together.
Online communities can also be a lifeline. I’ve found comfort in forums and social media groups where HSPs share their experiences and encouragement.
Final Thoughts on Setting Boundaries as an HSP
Setting boundaries as an HSP during the holidays isn’t about being difficult or antisocial—it’s about honouring your unique needs so you can show up as your best self.
At first, it might feel uncomfortable. But over time, you’ll notice less stress, more joy, and a deeper connection to what the season truly means to you.
Remember, you deserve to enjoy the holidays as much as anyone else. And when you honour your boundaries, you’re not only taking care of yourself—you’re modelling self-respect and authenticity for everyone around you.
Here’s to a season of peace, joy, and boundaries that feel just right!
***
with love and kindness,
Founder, HSP Tools
More Holiday Posts
- Get through the Holidays with Dominee Calderon
- Surviving the Holidays – a 3-Part Guide for Highly Sensitive People
